I don't like to photograph people. Today I was spending some time looking at other peoples photo sites/blogs. I am wanting to start to utilize my awesome camera and learn all the tricks and tips. As I was looking at the many different sites I realized that the sites of the photographers that photograph mostly people really bore me. I mean, there are some really talented and amazing people out there that take amazing photo's and we all need family, Senior year, wedding, baby, etc photo's right .... so that's a good thing. I have a dear friend who just started her own photography business. She does great work, but really a good photographer is a dime a dozen in my book. There are just so many people with great equipment that learn to take good photo's and start a business. I don't have the desire to do that at all.
The sites that really intrigued me where the ones that shot non-human subjects and if there is a person in the shoot it's a candid shoot. It started me thinking about the photo's that I take and how I tend to enjoy taking pictures of animals or nature so much more. It's always great getting an awesome picture of my kids as well, but I tend to be more naturally drawn to non human subjects.
I want to start spending some time practicing my picture taking. The best times of the day are truly early morning with the morning sunlight and in the evenings when the sun is setting ... or about to. I like using natural lighting as much as possible and the lighting at these times of day is soft and gentle and less harsh then the direct blaze of the day time sunlight.
Where we live it's pretty rural and there are mornings that I have wanted to take my camera and hit the road bright and early in the morning. Just me alone driving where ever for an hour or so taking pictures of whatever looks interesting. I need to DO THAT and stop just thinking about doing that.
That's my problem ... there are a lot of things that I "WANT" to do, that I never get around to doing. I need to stop living my life on the sidelines.
Today I wanted to go to Barnes and Noble and look at some photography and blog magazines and then stop at Target. I didn't end up doing any of that. Instead my husband and I just went to the grocery store and then back home. Boring !!!!! I'm tired of doing the same old shit all the time. I need to start changing that up a bit.
So I've spend a lot of time the past couple days thinking about this blog and what I want it to be. I think I just want it to be whatever it turns out to be. A place where I can come and just be me and say what I truly feel and share who I am creating myself to be.
That's such a clique isn't it ..... Create who you want to be ... but it is really true I am finding. I have lived this married life for nearly 17 years and been a mom for more then 15 years. I love all that, don't get me wrong, but unless I add into this life what I need to add into it, for myself, it's never going to be more then what it's been all these years. And while all that is good .... it's just not enough for me anymore. I am needing more of my own identity. I'm excited about it really, my life is good. I do have the normal ..... My husband is getting on my last nerve moments and my kids won't stop fighting and my house is a freaking mess moments .... but in the grand scheme of things I am blessed beyond measure and I totally realize that thankfully. I am also thankful that at this point I have realized that what I need in my life to make me happy is something constructive and good that will fill me with good things, constructive things and things that I can be proud of and mostly things that will glorify God and not things like lies and affairs and spending so much money I almost bankrupt my family. Yea, been there, done that and don't ever want to go there again.
Its enough that my affair ended 5 months ago and there are still more times then I like that I am still thinking of him and wondering how he can not contact me. Is he thinking of me at all? Does he ever? Not that it matters and I AM glad it's over .... but there are still those moments. It is what it is, I can't help how I feel or think. I do know that it's not as intense as it used to be and this tells me that in time it will be gone completely and I look forward to that day. As much as I hope I never comes back is as much as I wish at times that he would just so that I could turn him away and let him know that I don't want him anymore, need him anymore or want him in my life. Affairs .... they are a sick twisted thing. I'm so glad I'm done with that life.
Off to fire up the grill to make dinner for my family .... Dinner tonight is grilled chicken, grilled potatoes and a veggie (not sure which one yet). It's been a nice weekend even though I didn't get to B&N or Target. Maybe I'll go tomorrow. And maybe I'll take some photo's tomorrow and share how that goes here as well.
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